Mine Mine Mine

I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to figure out that Yahoo Answers! is full of people looking for advice on all sorts of subjects. I present this letter in all it’s un-edited glory.


My mom is renting my sister room cause she moving out and she knows I really want it and she said she going to rent it out to people she doesn’t know if she has to. I think it kinda ****** up that she is doing that.the big problem is that I don’t want a stranger living in my house when my room will be 5 feet away from it . And my mom said it will be a girl it doesn’t matter we can be robed or molested and i have been molested and I dont want it to happen again and it doesn’t matter if it a girl bad things can still happen am I wrong I talked to my mom and if I can’t confence her I’m just going to make sure every person that moves in I will make them move out am I wrong for being mad? Help me please !.!

Shut the fuck up, kid. You throw around the word “my” a lot.  It’s not your anything.  Until you pay the bills and stop being a deadbeat, you get no say.  Nut up. Times are tough. You’re bitching about not getting your choice of room and living with strangers when right now, there are hundreds of starving desperate illegal immigrants in container ships SHITTING IN BUCKETS who would slit your fucking throat open to just deal with your pathetic little problems.

You know who else probably doesn’t want a stranger in your house? Your mom. She probably has to so she can keep the roof over your ungrateful head.  She obviously is sparing her little prince the stress of her financial problems, but 23% of people are underwater on their mortgages, and it looks like your mom is one of them.  So go ahead and try and “make sure every person that moves in moves out,” because you’ll be right behind them. You know what else isn’t fun?  Foster care. Thats where you’ll end up if you drive away your family’s only means of support and you lose the house.

You want help.  Here it is.  Stop making things harder for your poor mother than they already are and get a fucking job. You might actually learn something, since the fry cook next to you probably has a PhD and only took the shitty job because it was all that is available.

Oh, and stop telling people you were molested so casually.  It makes people not believe you.  I sure don’t.  You’ve already said you’re a manipulator who will do what it takes to get rid of people you don’t like. You know who gets molested?  Kids that keep their mouths shut.  Not whiny little crybabies that go bitching to anyone that will listen when they don’t get their way.


It’s Always About Her

So the Burt Reynolds post doesn’t really count.  Here is today’s letter:

Dear Dr. Brothers: I can’t tell if my boyfriend is just irresponsible and forgetful,

or if he doesn’t do the things that I ask because he doesn’t value our relationship. He has no problem remembering the scores of every football game of a season, but he can’t manage to remember to pick up my dry cleaning even when I’ve reminded him. I don’t ask a lot of him, and he’s perfectly sweet to me, but he never goes out of his way to please me. Is this a sign that he doesn’t really love me? — S.J.

Everything about this letter screams “high-maintenance bitch.” I’m guessing you’re super hot and are used to having men do whatever you want. He’s probably average and you think that he should bend over backwards to make you happy.  With your attitude, his being “perfectly sweet” to you just boggles my mind.

It’s really hard to find things to do that rise to the level of “going out of the way” when you make so many petty demands and you complain when he doesn’t do what he is told.

You are his girlfriend, not his boss.  He is your boyfriend, not your personal assistant.  Pick up your own fucking dry cleaning. If you don’t ease up a bit, you’ll find out that he’ll reach a point where he’s sick and tired of your shit, will grow a pair and find a nice girl to be with. As the old poem goes:

No matter how charming and how full of class
To somebody somwhere, she’s a pain in the ass

One Line Wednesdays: How About “Hey Y’all”

Today’s One Line Wednesday™ comes from Dear Abby

Dear Abby:

How does one address a letter of complaint to a company? I don’t feel inclined to begin with “Dear” anybody. My mom would have used “Gentlemen” or “Dear Sirs,” but that seems antiquated. “People” seems silly, and “To Whom It May Concern,” pompous. Have you a better suggestion? Diane in Burnaby, B.C.

Stop worrying about how to address a letter that no one will ever read.


Each week, I select a letter for One Line Wednesday™ and skip the usual in-depth advice and gets right to the point in one word or sentence. Think you can do better? Submit your one line response below.  Who knows, maybe eventually there will be a prize for the best one.