Family Planning

From Ask Carolyn:

My boyfriend says that, as of now, he doesn’t think he’ll want to have kids. (We’re both in our early 20s.) I know I do want kids, and I know “Eli” would be a great husband and father if he gave himself the chance. I think he might change his mind, and he acknowledges that indeed he might.

We love each other, share the same values and are really great friends. How long should I wait to see if Eli actually will change his mind? One year? Five years? What’s realistic? I want this to work, but I don’t want to wait forever if the same deal-breaker is at the end of the tunnel.

Wanting a child is a perfectly natural thing for a woman. It’s called the maternal instinct.  Men, who lack this instinct, see pregnancy as the beginning of hormone swings, body changes, late night feedings, diapers, college tuition and it scares the ever living shit out of them. Sure, they look forward to their woman’s boobs getting bigger, but mostly, kids are the end of freedom.  Men don’t want to have kids because they themselves are really just overgrown children… until they have kids.

What men have is the paternal instinct, which basically consists of wanting to put their penis inside you.  This, as you learned in sex-ed, is how babies are made.

It's a miracle!

I’ll tell you what Carolyn and everyone else knows, but is too responsible to actually say. There is no need to wait. You don’t technically need his permission to have his kid.  Not really. To put it another way, accidents happen, especially the ones we help happen.

Not that I would advocate such behavior, but condoms aren’t 100% effective. Especially when they are stabbed with a safety pin a few dozen times.  You have no idea how easy it is to mistake tic tacs for birth control pills.

Since you know that he will be a good father, it’s not really wrong to help nature along. You’re helping him reach his full potential.  Nothing wrong with that. You’ll be closer. Not just physically and emotionally, but financially and legally.  I’m sure even if he finds out that you had a helping hand in the unexpected bundle of joy, mother’s instinct is never wrong.

Fair warning though, your man can read “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” from cover to cover and the only thing he’ll retain is “your boobs will get bigger”

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